sailacrossthestars

2 Watchers5 Deviations

1.3K

Pageviews

Latest Deviations

abusive relationships aren't always what they seem by sailacrossthestars, literature

Literature

abusive relationships aren't always what they seem

I love you. I will always love you even with your hands around my throat or especially then. You can force the air out of my lungs but you cannot force the love out of my heart. I am strong because of you. Every time you hurt me and I am able to stand back up, I feel even more invincible. You're the only one that understands sometimes. I am a liar; and I am always lying when I tell people that I don't think about you anymore. You are all I think about but they would just tell me that it's not healthy that you are not good for me. You scare me when you're drunk. I cringe when I see bottles of whiskey because all they've done is remind me of

i fell in love once. by sailacrossthestars, literature

Literature

i fell in love once.

i fell in love once, and I can honestly say that once was enough. it wasn't about how I felt, it was about how I could make him feel. Making a person laugh is the best feeling in the world, being the only one that they're looking at at that moment. . i fell in love once. i cried myself to sleep often. never being entirely certain if he loves you back is a horrible feeling. it takes over you sometimes, keeps you up at night. it makes the good times better but the bad times even worse, though somehow it was still always worth it. . i fell in love once, it was a love that had entirely consumed me for four years. now that it's over, i see tha

Dear Self, by sailacrossthestars, literature

Literature

Dear Self,

Dear Self, Stop crying Wipe those tears off your face Clean up that smudged makeup Stop feeling sorry For yourself, for others Just stop it Look up Stop looking at the ground Stop wondering how many dead things Plants, insects, animals, people Have decayed into that soil Stop listening to his voicemail Get over his voice You don't need him You can be happy without him It was the end for him But not you You still have life to live Don't waste it

Hannah. by sailacrossthestars, literature

i am not a sad person. by sailacrossthestars, literature

Literature

i am not a sad person.

i am sad a lot but i am not a sad person and i used to be happy all the time back when i was a sad person. does that make sense? one time i went for three years without crying and that was the saddest time of my life. i cry at least once a week now and i am so good. does this mean anything to you? i drink more than i used to back when i had a drinking problem but i don't have a drinking problem anymore because i am not a sad person i promise.

Featured Gallery

abusive relationships aren't always what they seem by sailacrossthestars, literature

Literature

abusive relationships aren't always what they seem

i fell in love once. by sailacrossthestars, literature

Literature

i fell in love once.

Dear Self, by sailacrossthestars, literature

Literature

Dear Self,

Hannah. by sailacrossthestars, literature

Watchers 2

jbreann2

everythought

Watching 2

straybutterflies

masvida

Collection

Favourites

See all

Ruminations by masvida, literature

Literature

Ruminations

I am tired of feeling guilty. And used-up, and like I am worth nothing more than a tool or maybe your happiness, or sadness, or a scapegoat for all of it. I am tired of walking into your room to look into those dead-blank eyes and realize that they match my own— why have you never been anything but sick? It lingers in your tired smiles in those photographs from another country, another age, it runs through my memories like background music: I remember you running up and down the stairs to my brother’s cries and I remember you smiling at my magnetic drawings and telling me that it looked wonderful. But. Your eyes were always worn-o

Hubris. by staphysagria, literature

Literature

Hubris.

today we're younger than we're ever gonna be. i. and we finally did it, drove to the mountains watched meteors and let the mattress grow damp under our love under the stars ii. there are things to be reconciled iii. my eyes sting like chlorine, but from crying, I finally disappointed them; the highest order of shame iv. but you cannot put people into pockets; good, bad don't mix with them v. and I cannot choose who I love vi. your lenses are straight, elite and proud mine, open and accumulating filth vii. maybe I should run away more often, we never talk like this viii. and you have to realise that I live in

The Ways We Speak by masvida, literature

Literature

The Ways We Speak

I once bothered to kiss you, eyelids falling asleep as I drowned in the feeling of being connected. "I feel lost" you'd say as I traced the lines of your being with shaky-soft fingertips; I'd find you in the middle of the dark and we'd stumble to somewhere safer, somewhere closer. Your eyes would be as blank as my heart and we'd cry silently because we didn't want to make anyone else sad-- It was as if our emotions flew by on different planes of existence, and I'd wonder if maybe we reacted to each other in a different universe like the quantum atoms created lines of light beyond reason. But I'd remember, too slow, that you didn't want to hea

Mickey and the Tease-Disney by ChmurzasaurusRex, literature

Literature

Mickey and the Tease-Disney

Mickey and the Tease- Disney really fucked me up. I mean I’ve spent the better part of my adult life trying to find my sleeping beauty so I can wake her ass up with a kiss. (Metaphorically, of course.) Trying to be the everlasting hero, that consummate prince. …Oh, did I mention she’s half fish? I mean, only sometimes Other times she wears a dress that’s…bluish? No wait, greenish… or is it pinkish…? Truth is, I don’t know what the deal with that dress is… I think it’s because her Godparents are fairies, I know, how contemporary. Not that there’s a problem with that or

yours by AlloenDreams, literature

Literature

yours

i am more than the disarrangement of my bones. i am flower press sighs, and the arch of my spine, talentless pianist fingers and the saltwater on my skin. i am the sound of shifting sheets and the laughter in your throat, my champagne kisses and the press of your hands. i am what lies beyond the hike of my skirt, the rise of my jeans, the gossamer sheen of my shirt- i am the flesh that is yours.

Temptations by everythought, literature

Literature

Temptations

I love the way it burns slowly As you breathe in from the tip I love the way it feels on your lips As you squeeze just to breathe I love the way it makes me feel The tingle and then calm I love the way it tastes When I grasp it with my lips. But I hate the way its made people So addictive and so nice I hate the way it’s made me feel The after taste of temptation What tasted so good Now taste like shit What felt so good Now feels like shit The taste, the feel The smell of A cigarette.

Sometimes It Feels Like by masvida, literature

Literature

Sometimes It Feels Like

Sometimes it feels like I am holding fire, or water, or maybe a mix of the two because I am drowning and burning up at the same time. My insides are mixing and falling into the wrong places, dizzying, unpredictable, blackout. And these days I feel my skin burn with an anticipation of a hunger that I never feed anymore. Ladders building up my arms to climb to my head- nerves bursting with a need and I am relinquishing my power over my emotions by denying myself the very things that let me feel. I can't look you in the eye anymore, I can't find a handhold, a hand to hold, someone who doesn't tell me I'm crazy for the way I dream. For I dream, a

winter burial by AlloenDreams, literature

Literature

winter burial

i don't think i'll forget how after you died, it snowed. the entire world went catatonic with me, as they carried your body out into the glacial night and drove you away. we were encased in ice, hushed under the weight of your ashen body [did it hurt when then burned you, or was it a relief to those frozen bones?], and i could do no more than teeter to my bed after the ambulance left and lie there until my father knocked on my door long after the sun rose the next day. and when i walked out, there was no body in that bed. just the sheets, shifted and white like you had just rose but cold -cold as if the window had been left open that night

About sailacrossthestars

See all

Dec 30
Canada
Deviant for 11 years
e-pitomy.tumblr.com/
She / Her

Badges

Favourite Movies

Bridge To Terabitha, Titanic, The Lion King

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

The XX, Coldplay, Keaton Henson, Imagine Dragons, Passion Pit, Bring Me The Horizon, Daughter

Favourite Books

Looking For Alaska, Wuthering Heights, The Lover's Dictionary

Favourite Writers

Kurt Vonnegut, Melissa Marr,

Favourite Gaming Platform

Playstation 3

Other Interests

Slam Poetry

Posts

See all

sailacrossthestars

Apr 27, 2015

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

I told my mother the other day that I don’t like getting high because it makes me feel like the inside of a trash can in a high school bathroom. And it’s true, it really does and I always want to slip out of my skin when it stops feeling like what I’ve always known but that still doesn't mean I’ll stop doing it. There’s no complicated reason behind this either, I just find feeling disgusting really amusing apparently. Like some part of me enjoys trying to look myself in the eye in the mirror and getting freaked out when I realize I can’t or falling asleep in an Arby’s in the states after eating who kn